(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a  dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.  Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank  of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening  to his Walkman!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

Daara Singh, in his hey- day as the World Freestyle Wrestling Champion received an offer to star in his first Bollywood phillum. Along with it came a one way air ticket to Bombay.

An excited Daara reached Palam Airport, all agog to board the plane. As soon as it landed on tarmac, he made a dash for it. A worried attendant cautioned him with a “wait, please!”  Daara Singh, with his abundant (mis) understanding of English, heard in his mind “weight, please?” and gleefully blurted out with a puffed up chest: “Two Hundred & Fifty Kg.”!

The air-hostess inside the plane got to know about his star-status and began to drool over & bee around him. Her indulgent “Are you comfortable & ‘relaxing’, Sir?” evoked a “No, I am Daara Singh” from an indignant Daara who chose, nevertheless, to forgive the pretty young thing for what he perceived to be her faux pas!

A little while later, while the plane was airborne, Daara suddenly sneezed and the entire plane shook violently. A thoroughly concerned hostess dashed to his seat with the medicine chest & asked him solicitously, “Are you suffering from cold?”, only to hear him contemptuously reply “No, I am ‘safar ’ing from Delhi to Bombay” !

(In “reverential good-humour” only to a true Indian Idol of his times who ‘safar’ed straight into the hearts of his innumerable fans, his last outing having been in the role of the ‘adorable grandpa’ in JAB WE MET !)

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

CONTINUING IN MY CURRENT  VEIN OF BLONDE FASCINATION !!!

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A BLONDE BIMBO’S DIARY NOTES :

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December – Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?”

The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.

“You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?”

The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

MY  FUN-DOCTOR  POLITICAL VIEW  WISE-CRACK  OF THE DAY:

“Un-necessity is the father of all dis-invention; politics,its prime unwanted child!”

AND YES, THIS ENUNCIATION HAS BECOME ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN CURRENT TIMES !!!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

An old man went to Engg. College where he studied at.
He knocked on Room 23 of the hostel and said: “May I come in. I lived in this
room 30 yrs ago when I studied in this college.”
A young man opened the door & let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said: “The same old room, same old wooden table, ventilator & same old
window that opens to the garden & the same old bed”
When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.
Seeing  her  the old man went bonkers as he exclaimed, “…and the same girl, still not old even after 30 years!”  but was brought back to sanity by the girl remarking, “Oh, actually that was my mother ” !

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do they do here?” He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks “What do they do here?”

He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells – why are there so many people waiting to get in?

“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria…”

And a short, quickie !!!

In 1975, 6 birds were flying in the sky. Suddenly, 3 of them dropped dead on the ground.
Why??
Becoz Gabbar had shot 3 bullets in the air !!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

Once all sardars get disgusted about the large number of jokes that are cracked about them and so they come together in an auditorium to prove to the world that aren’t that silly after all.

They call upon one sardar and ask him, ‘What is 10 plus 10?’
After thinking for some time sardarji replies, ’25!’
The officials to whom they want to prove get disgusted but thousands of sardars in the auditorium start shouting, ‘Give him another chance!’
So the officials ask him again, ‘What is 5 plus 5?’
The sardar replies after thinking for awhile, ’30!’
Again there’s shouting from the audience, ‘Give him another chance!’
Another question is posed, ‘What is 2 plus 2?’
The sardarji replies after much thought, ’4′.
Again the voice of thousands shouts, ‘Give him another chance!!!!’